REALLY?!?! with KatieRose

Have you ever seen that SNL segment Really?! with Seth and Amy?  Now it's just with Seth, but still completely wonderful.  In this particular segment they take a moment to ask, well, Really?! to some celebrity, politician, or someone who recently appeared in the news.  They ask this question over and over again after pointing out various points of ridiculousness in the individual's behavior.

Do you ever just want to have a Really?! segment with God?  I know I do.  That's kind of where I'm at right now.  I'm sitting here at my computer on the SI base, already missing my community back "home" in Los Higos.  And if I could have a Really?! segment with God right now, it would go something like this:

Now it's time for a segment we like to call Really?! with KatieRose!
(applause, applause)
Katie:  Really, God?  Really?  Why did you send me here anyway?  Just so I could fall in love with the people and the culture and then just peace out?  Really?!  And why did you allow me to get plugged into a community you KNEW I would miss for the rest of my life?  Really?!  What's the point of these relationships you've allowed me to form?  Did I really come here just leave again?  Really?!  And what about the passions you've given me?  Do you really think it's fair to manifest new ones NOW?  Really?!  How am I supposed to handle that?  What do you expect me to do with the love you've placed in my heart for these people?  This country?  And specifically my community?  Really, God?!  Really?!?!

Yup.  That's about how it would go.  It's such a conundrum because I really am so happy here.  I'm in love with this place and these people and what I'm doing here.  But I look at the calendar each day at the preschool and I see the end rapidly approaching.  I almost feel tricked.  Everything about this place and this language is intoxicating.  I feel like I offered my heart to Los Higos only to rip it away in less than three weeks from today.  So this brings me to a cross-roads.  Do I decide to put down my fists and drop the Really?! card, or do I choose to go on relying on my own understanding?  I want to trust; I want to believe that God has a plan and that it is good.  In fact, if I look around me right now, I see that I am standing in the middle of his very good plan.  But it's a forest/trees deal.  What I see here is good, and my heart longs for it.  What I'm doing now I love, who I'm working and living with I adore.  But I have to go back, and I want to go back.  I'm so confused by what I thought I desired for my life and career and by what my heart is saying now.  My spiritual eyes are straining to see God's perfect will through the trees of Letting Go, Leaning On My Own Understanding, and His Good Gifts for Now.  It all comes back to holding his pinkies, doesn't it?

Papa Dios, gracias por tu paciencia eterna.  Ayudame a confiarte y esperar por tu plan perfecta.  Amen.


Holding Pinkies

This is Marianita.  Almost every morning I pick her up (literally) on my way to school and she rides on my shoulders through town to the escuelita.  I love this girl and through her God is teaching me lots and lots.  One of these things is patience, as Mariana is rather incorrigible, though lovable.  On a more recent note, God hit me with a revelation yesterday, courtesy of this beautiful little girl.  It was bright and early when I picked her up and set her on my shoulders for the walk to school.  She happily began to make little noises and talk to me about the day, when I realized that she, like always, was holding on to my pinky fingers.  She doesn't need to hold on because I've got her, but she feels better if she can hold onto me.  The funny thing is that holding onto the weakest part of me is enough to calm her fears of falling.

Then I have this vision of myself: I'm on God's shoulders, wrapping my arms tightly around his head, my legs gripping his neck and all the while I'm screaming, "YOU'RE GOING TO DROP ME! YOU'RE GOING TO DROP ME!"  Brings a whole new perspective of having faith like a child.  I wouldn't even have to hold onto God, he's got me, but I think he understands that we feel better if we can hold onto something.  How about his pinky fingers?  I want to be able to rest in trusting God so much that all I have to do is hold his pinkies and I feel safe, knowing he won't drop me.  Wow.  I've got a ways to go, but I want to get there.

Matthew 19:14 
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.


Mis Pasos Primeros

I love my job.
I work at a preschool called Mis Pasos Primeros, or my first steps.  I work with 2-5 year olds, teaching the ABeCeDario (ABC's) and los numeros 1-10.  We also learn about colors and writing our letters.  We sing songs, play Bingo, do flash cards, eat snacks, and we also help some older kids with their homework.  However, the most favoritist ( :) ) game of the kids at the school is Caballito.  From the moment I arrive at the school in the morning, to the moment I leave, there is always at least one kid chasing me around yelling "Caballito! Caballito!"  If you don't already know, caballito means "little horse."  They LOVE piggy back rides.  And as much as it tires me out, I love giving them.
After lunch and siesta, I return to the school either for English class or to help out with a literacy "clinic" for adults.    The English class is always interesting because our students consist of about 15 boys from the church, aged 15-23.  It's never boring!  The literacy clinic is really cool for me, because I'm teaching people to read in my second language.  I wouldn't have considered myself competent enough for that, but here I am!  It's so rewarding to see people start to get it.  Reading and writing are huge and very important parts of my life and it is hard for me to imagine being without them.  So helping other people attain these skills is something that brings me incredible joy.  God is so good.  He proves to me time and time again that he knows what he's doing!